I’m going to be slightly unfashionable here and not start this post by saying how great the weather has been. Well sort of anyway. I’m going to start this post by trying to describe just how busy you have to be to not even notice how good the weather has been, even when it’s apparently been the hottest few days on record ever. Well sort of anyway.
Each day this week, I have been waking early, walking from the bedroom to the office that occupies the room next door, sitting down and working on an essay. That’s it. All week. Nothing else. Occasional trips to other rooms to deal with whatever needed dealing with, but that’s all I’ve done. I did leave the house on a couple of occasions, but only after dark, so wouldn’t have known about the weather at all, were it not for the hundreds of thousand of people making sure I knew about it via phone, mobile, text, facebook, twitter etc.
Anyway, the good/great/amazing/dull (please delete as applicable) news on this is that I have finished not just the essay, but also the whole year’s study and also the whole six years of degree! That’s it. Over and done with. I won’t actually know whether I’ve passed or not for three months, but providing nothing ridiculous happens, as of the end of December, I will officially be TSM BA (Hons) History. If you had any idea how terribly challenging the young TSM found formal education, you’d be clapping even louder than you undoubtedly are that I’ve managed to stick at it for this long. I won’t go on too much about this (well too much more anyway) but when I started this, I’d presumed that general maturity and the passage of time would have dealt with all of the things that caused me problems in my school days. Guess what? Nope! They’re all still there, they’ve had 25 years to really bed themselves in, and they’ve found a whole load of mates too.
The reason for mentioning this is that I’d done a deal with myself that with the essay deadline falling at the end of this week, then I wasn’t going to let anything distract me from that, and if that meant that I was going to eat less well than I otherwise would, then so be it. Well so be it indeed 🙂 I surrounded myself with every form of comfort food known to man, and boy did I comfort myself. I’ve ended up with a +1 for the week, which is quite amazing to be honest, and far better than I deserved, particularly as earlier in the week I was showing a +5 at one point during a sneak-peek at the scales. I guess the overall weight gain was less than it could have been partly because at times I wasn’t actually eating meals, which must have helped a bit, partly because there’s been 36 hours since I submitted the essay, and I’ve had a couple of days to settle back into a more normal eating pattern, and partly because the + sneak-peek freaked me out so much that I must have scaled things back a bit.
So now the real work begins once more.
I’m really not enjoying being heavy again. Actually, that’s not quite accurate is it? Let me rephrase that. I’m really not enjoying being heavier again. I’m a few pounds heavier, but nothing that could be called ‘heavy’ in the same way that I used to be ‘heavy’. I’m still a couple of pounds under my post-holiday peak, but I’m also still 8lb above my lowest point so far, and I can really see and feel it. Clothes that were fitting me fantastically a couple of months ago now don’t fit well at all. It’s actually a little difficult, because I went a little mad and threw out everything that was even slightly big on me, so am struggling to find things to wear at the moment. Which throws up the standard yo-yo dieters dilemma I guess. Do I buy some bigger clothes, or do I wait until I can fit back into the smaller ones that I have? That’s a toughie to be honest – the motivator part of me knows that to buy larger clothes again would be something of a defeat, and could possibly make me more comfortable with the size I am, rather than encouraging me to lose weight again. The same part of me also knows that wearing clothes that make you feel uncomfortable and fat doesn’t make you feel good about yourself, and that can encourage poor eating.
Well I went to Gap yesterday – they’ve got a sale one, which is something that I try my best to take advantage of these days. I picked up a nice top. With an M on the label. And I knew it wasn’t going to fit me. Wifey told me so as well (which you might remember is her job on occasions like this apparently) but I knew she was right. I looked for an L. They didn’t have one. I left the shop. I think if they’d have had an L, then I would have bought it, but as they didn’t, the dilemma is still a ‘live’ issue. What do you think? Let me know if you have a minute – I’d appreciate your views.
So, as of this week, I have no excuses for putting more weight on, and no excuses for not losing a pound or two to be honest. I’ll have to see what I can think of during the week…
Have a good week.