Well the weigh-in for week 50 has just been completed, and I’m relatively non-plussed to report yet another STS. I’m slightly disappointed not to have lost a teeny bit this week as I’ve been back in the pool and have done a whole load of exercise this week. That does suggest that I’m still struggling to get my head around some of the simpler elements of this whole thing, because I ate all my daily points, all of my weekly points, all of my exercise points and a few extra for good measure, so should never have been expecting any loss whatsoever. There’s a weird sort of denial of reality going on there somewhere – even as I’m tracking in detail what I’m doing, I’m still thinking “I’ve done lots of exercise, so I ought to lose a little bit of weight” instead of “I’ve done some exercise, but eaten everything that’s earned me and a little more, so I’ll be lucky to get an STS this week”.
Anyway, as the weeks go by I’m feeling more and more relaxed about the lack of progress. Of course I have no idea whether that’s a good thing or not, but I’m taking it to be a good thing at the moment, as I’m generally a positive kind of guy. What I feel like I’m proving to myself is that I’m capable of maintaining this sort of weight should I choose to do so. I’m eating well, but generally in moderation and would certainly have no problem eating like this on an ongoing basis. Now I know that this isn’t the weight that I want to stop at, but if I did, and managed to learn to stay here, then that would be a truly fantastic achievement, as it’s the staying at a weight that has historically always proved to be a problem, rather than the initial loss itself.
I even ate some midget gems on Friday! And didn’t die either. Although they weren’t very nice midget gems, so perhaps that might have helped. It wasn’t planned, although they have been calling out to me at a significantly higher volume of late. A work celebration included a “cup full of sweets for 50p” stall, and the proceeds were going to charity, so I thought I’d join the queue and show willing. Had I known there were midget gems there, I probably wouldn’t have joined the queue at all (and if you believe that, then I’m getting much better at lying) but there they were. For a short while at least. Part of me is proud that I only had two cup-fulls in the end. Part of me knows that there is nothing to be proud of at all, because my second cup emptied the tub completely. Part of me just wants to eat midget gems :-).
I’ve really enjoyed swimming this week – I’ve done a bit of cycling recently, which has kept my exercise levels up a little bit, so it wasn’t quite as painful as it can be sometimes to get back in the pool after a long gap. I swam 80 lengths three times this week – three days in a row actually – and while it was difficult and I ache a bit right now, it proved that my general levels of fitness are still pretty good.
In another couple of weeks I’ll have been on this journey for a year! That’s a really strange feeling – on the one hand this has all become a regular part of my life (including my Sunday morning blogging) but on the other hand, I’m still pretty certain that I could undo all of this good work in significantly less time than 12 months. I think perhaps where I’m gaining a better understanding is that I’m starting to realise that there’s nothing significantly different about me in that respect – anyone could put on four stone if they consistently increased what they ate. What’s different is that I’ve got a lot of years of history of doing precisely that, and that’s why I have to be a little more aware than most people of what I eat and how how much of it I choose to have.
I was going to write that my natural response to a lot of everyday life situations is to eat to excess, but that’s not true. I think it would be truer (and far more helpful) to say that my usual response to a lot of everyday life situations is to eat to excess, but that isn’t a natural response. I wasn’t born like that. I’ve learned to do that. And what I’m doing at the moment is unlearning it. And as long as I keep on focusing on it, I’ll get better and better at not doing it.
That sounds like 50 weeks well spent to be honest – have a good week.