This is hard work at the moment. Really hard.
At mealtimes I’m doing fine – eating relatively healthily and not stuffing my face at all, and generally ticking all the right boxes. It’s outside mealtimes where I’m having real problems, and while I completely understand what I’m doing wrong, I don’t seem to be able to stop myself doing it very easily.
In simple terms, I’m snacking. That suggests that I could be explaining it in a much more complex fashion, and that’s not true at all, so let me rephrase. I’m snacking. That’s better!
This week at various times I’ve eaten wine gums, midget gems, biscuits, cookies, ice cream and a whole bag of mini eggs. Now to the uninitiated, that might not seem much like diet food, but trust me, any and all foods can be fitted into a weight-loss program in moderation (and who else should you trust but a man who’s just put on two pounds!).
The bottom line is that I’m eating loads of food that I don’t need or want, and am not fitting them into my overall points totals at all. That means that I put on weight. That’s the old me. That’s the fat-bloke that I’m moving away from, but right now, he feels a little closer than he has done for quite a while. I’m thinking of foods and eating them instead of asking myself if I really want them. I’m eating snack foods without adapting what I eat for the rest of the day to compensate for it.
Now I know the question that will be on your lips – truly I do. It’s WHY isn’t it? Knowing what I know, and having achieved what I’ve achieved, and knowing exactly what the end-result would be, WHY would I do it?
Well I guess if I knew the answer to that, then I wouldn’t have been 18st 4lb in the first place, and wouldn’t have ever need to do this 🙂
Some of it I can make sense of. I’ve mentioned it many times, but I have a serious problem with jelly sweets. Particularly midget gems. I talk about it a lot, but I keep trying to pretend that this problem will go away. Throughout this process, I’ve been buying them every now and again, realising that I simply CAN’T eat them in moderation and subsequently avoiding them for a while. Recently I’ve been missing out the ‘avoiding them for a while’ step, and have eaten a lot of them.
Is it possible to be addicted to Tesco Midget Gems? I’ve never seen any support groups out there, so I’m presuming not, but there’s something so strong that compels to eat them. It’s like giving up smoking in some ways – I can’t just have one to take the edge off of it, because I’ll smoke the whole pack. When I buy a bag of midget gems, I can guarantee you that I’ll finish the bag. Quickly. I certainly don’t enjoy them while I’m eating them as I eat them so fast that they hardly touch the size. Having said that, the taste of the juice slipping down my throat is worth it all. What the hell am I going on about here? Lol.
Look – it’s like this. I have a problem with those sweets, and I need to stop proving that to myself and just accept that they’re not compatible with what I’m trying to achieve here. It feels feeble to accept it, but it’s true. Just to give myself an extra prompt here, on Sunday and Monday last week, I ate a whole bag of them on each day. In the WW world that’s 50 points. That’s more than my whole weekly bonus pot. That’s more than a full days eating. And yet still I was secretly hoping that the scales wouldn’t have noticed? Genuinely insane! 🙂
Whatever happens, some things still stay the same. If I carry on eating how I’ve eaten this week, then I’ll carry on putting on weight. If I carry on eating how I’ve eaten for most of the last 7 months or so, then I’ll carry on losing weight. I need to cut out anything that’s making it harder for me to go with the latter choice, and those damn things will be top of the list. I need to look at my diet coke intake too, but that’s another story.
I’ve got a horrible vision at the moment of this being the last post I make. That this time next week, I’ll have put on another few pounds, and that I’ll put off posting on here until I’ve taken those pounds off again. And that never happens.
Wow. This is quite scary.
OK – have a good week/life depending on how the next seven days go 😉