If ever proof was needed that I’m not safe to be left to my own devices for more than an hour or two, then the impact of me stopping tracking what I’m eating over Christmas and New Year should be all the proof that is needed 🙂
I’ve just completed the weigh-in for week 30 and am oddly amused to report a whopping +10 over the last two weeks! 10lbs. In two weeks. That’s a fifth of my total weight loss in 28 weeks I’ve put back on in two weeks!
I did actually step on the scales on boxing day and was showing a +8 then, so it’s not a surprise (and in some ways I’m quite relieved that it’s not more overall) but it’s still a huge step in the wrong direction, albeit one that I’d planned for. Planned for isn’t really true – it would perhaps be more honest if I said I’d decided to just stop tracking over the whole Christmas and New Year period, but I’m not sure that actually constitutes a plan.
There are most definitely some positives and some negatives to take from this experience. First of all the negatives:
- I’ve not weighed this much since the 17th October 2010, so that’s 10 weeks of work undone in a fortnight
- I’m officially obese again
- I’ve gone back under the 15% mark
- I feel fat, heavy and bloated
- My clothes feel tighter
- I’m feeling slightly ashamed at my gluttony over the past couple of weeks
In isolation, those don’t add up to being a particularly happy new year, so what are the positives to draw from this?
- I know about it and now have the opportunity to do something about it
- It’s a really, really timely reminder of what happens when I stop exercising and go back to my old ways of eating
- It brings home the simple choice that I face each and every day between the freedom of not thinking about what I’m eating and the happiness that comes from being thinner
- I was conscious of the fact that I was over-eating
- I started noticing how heavy and fat I felt very early on
- I didn’t enjoy the feeling that came from over-eating
- I was very aware that I didn’t actually enjoy some of the over-eating itself
- I’ve got some cool targets to revisit very soon
It’s felt like a strange sort of experiment, where I was observing myself from outside, and trying to see and understand what was happening to me in as dispassionate way as possible, but without interfering. It’s a fairly masochistic approach, as in reality I should have just stopped it, as I think I’d actually have enjoyed myself a little bit more, but it felt as if I needed to complete it and get to the New Year before I stopped. Even last night, I was eating sweets and chocolates pretty much on autopilot, even though I was feeling stuffed and bloated already.
So where does that leave me?
As I was preparing the Christmas dinner, I had one of those experiences that really helped me to understand just how much weight I’d lost – lifting that 12lb turkey out of the fridge and realising that before I started this I was carrying around FOUR of those with me every day! (Not literally of course, as that would have been rather silly, but I hope you understand what I mean.) The excesses of the last couple of weeks leave me carrying around the best part of a turkey with me that I wasn’t before. That’s huge, and it needs to be lost as soon as possible – I don’t like feeling like this!
I’m surprisingly positive really, as I know what I need to do, and I’ve done it before. That’s an empowering feeling! A little nagging voice at the back of my mind is whispering quietly “that’s it! you’ve blown it now fat-boy!” and is trying to pull me back to the dark side, but I can hear it, and I’m not interested in it. I’m also very aware that I need some sort of framework within which to approach this, and the WW world, even with all it’s recent changes, is the right place for me to be right now.
Anyway, this is a fatter shrinking man than I’ve been for a while, but I’m back on the shrinking trail once more.
Happy New Year!