First of all, let me state for the record that I’m a fat bloke. Chubby, cuddly, large, wobbly, big-bloke, biggun, big-fella. All descriptions that have been used about me, either to my face or behind my back, presumably when people thought that the sound of my crisp packet rustling would render my hearing useless. There comes a point when it gets difficult to hide just how much that sort of comment hurts. You put on a brave face and smile sweetly. Maybe even make a joke about it and be the stereotypical cheery fat bloke, but inside, a little piece of you dies every time. Because it’s true.
Part of the issue is that your size begins to define you. Perhaps it has for years, but I’ve only recently become aware of it. Realising that to anyone who doesn’t know you, you’re “that fat bloke”, and that even when your friends describe you, they probably wouldn’t talk about ‘you’. Just your size. Just “the big fella.” When you add that to the shame, the embarrassment and the feeling of abject failure that comes with being a fat bloke that’s just getting fatter, you end up with a recipe for feeling pretty damn terrible about yourself. Which is pretty ironic considering that that creates pretty much the perfect state of mind to ensure that you stay that way forever. Life’s sweet sometimes 😉
In the last 10 years or so, my weight has varied between 13st 10lbs and 19st. If you don’t speak imperial, then that’s between quite a bit and loads. I’ve spent most of the time in the upper regions of that, and on Monday 7th June 2010, when I became The Shrinking Man, I was tipping the scales at 18st 4lbs. Not the heaviest I’ve ever been, but close enough for it to not make too much difference.
So what prompted me to become The Shrinking Man? Strangely enough, I’m not actually sure. I was chatting to a friend on facebook who mentioned that she’d just started Weight Watchers, and something just clicked with me, and within minutes I’d signed up myself. I’m not doing the classes or anything like that, but I signed up for Weight Watchers online, which provides a method of keeping a tally of what you’re eating and tracking your progress on the web. Anyway, I needed to choose a name for their forums, and The Shrinking Man seemed to be kind of appropriate.
I’m writing this some 11 days after the process began, but what I’m going to try to do on this blog is to be frank and honest about what has happened so far, and what happens in the future, good or bad. I know that I’m supposed to scream from the rooftops “I AM THE SHRINKING MAN, AND I WILL SHRINK!” but I’ve been there and done that many times before, and I’ve always been wrong. That’s not good for the ego, so for now, all I’m saying is this – I’ve set an initial target of 17 st 5lbs, as that will mean that I’ve lost 5% of my starting weight. We’ll see what happens on the way, and decide what happens next when we get there.
Quite why I’m writing a blog about this, I’m not sure either. I think it might help me, so it’s quite a selfish thing, but it might also be helpful to others going through a similar struggle. On the other hand, it could come to serve only as a public reminder of yet another dismal failure, and you can read on in horror as The Shrinking Man becomes bigger still. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see…
The Shrinking Man.