It’s been an interesting week or so here at Shrinking Towers. I’ve been very relaxed about what I’ve been eating over the last week or so, as I’m unsure of just what my next approach should be. I’ve not necessarily eaten to excess that often, but I’ve not restricted my food choices in any way – I’ve eaten whatever the rest of the family have been eaten, and I’ve eaten whatever I wanted. Can you guess where that ended up? It ended up with me last night, sitting on the sofa eating multiple bags of crisps, chocolates left over from Christmas and midget gems.
Just in case there had been any doubt in my mind about it, that’s a useful reminder of what happens when I stop controlling what I’m eating. I eat uncontrollably.
What is also clear to me is that this is not how it has to be. For the last month or so where I’ve been eating a generally low-carb diet, I haven’t wanted to snack out at the end of the day. I’ve occasionally had the urge to eat something in the evenings, but when I have, I’ve eaten something that fills me up, and you know what? I’ve felt full and that’s been enough.
Actually, scrub that. I really don’t think that full has anything to do with it. I’m pretty much always full. My desire to eat in those situations isn’t connected to hunger. Does that make any sense? My desire to eat, which is at times uncontrollable, has no connection whatsoever to being hungry. There’s rather important stuff in there isn’t there? First of all, if the desire to eat isn’t driven by hunger, then eating isn’t going to get rid of the desire to eat. Secondly, it begs a different question – what exactly is driving this desire to eat?
I don’t believe I’m necessarily an emotional eater, though I’m not completely convinced of that. I’m coming round to the point of view that what I’m eating is driving my desire to eat. When I eat sugar-packed processed foods, I get uncontrollable urges to eat. I’ve read a number of articles and books that support that as a possibility, most of which centre on insulin as the culprit, so there are certainly people who’d agree with my clumsy diagnosis.
My mission in life is to get in control of this. It annoys me – it really does – and I’m determined that somehow I’m going to master this thing. My instinct is to dive back into Atkins, embrace it fully and relax into a world of low-carb heaven. I’m resisting that at the moment for a couple of reasons. First of all, I’ve found it difficult to do the Atkins thing with enough commitment recently. Secondly, it feels like I’m giving control to the late Dr. Atkins rather than getting control myself, which just doesn’t feel right.
Having said that, I want to eat a lower-carb diet, and cut back on the processed stuff that’s in my diet. I’d like to think that will do a couple of things – first of all, it will stop the cravings and allow me to be in control of what I eat, and secondly, it might just help me to lose a little weight.
So – just random thoughts really, but very key to what’s going on with me right now – I’m not in control of what I’m eating, and I want to be. And I will be. Christ knows when of course 😉
Have a good week.