Getting a little scared now

Morning all.

Week 70!  70 weeks!  That’s ages that is.  Well the weigh-in for week 70 has just been completed, and the fact that I’m a little relieved to report an STS should give an indication of how things are going right now.  I’m really finding shrinking difficult at the moment, which I think is perhaps where this whole thing starts to get interesting.  By interesting, what I mean is that for me at the moment it’s generally petrifying, frustrating and difficult, but on reflection, when I come out the other end skinnier than I went in and with a better understanding of what’s going on, then I’ll look back and say “that’s where it got interesting”.  Probably 🙂

It’s like this.  I know what to do.  It’s not difficult.  But somehow I can’t seem to get myself to do it.  Not consistently anyway.

The WW thing gives me a framework that I know works, and all I have to do is stick within that framework.  I have all the tools that I need to do this, and none of them are difficult to use:

  • I need limits that I can understand – I have those, and in WW terms that’s 40 points a day, with an extra 49 points for the week if I need them
  • I need to understand what those points mean in terms of everyday food and drinks – I have that, and in better formats than I’ve ever had before.  The WW website has all of that, and I’ve now got access via a iPhone and an iPad too
  • I need a simple way of tracking things – I have that, again online,  iPhone and iPad.

So why am I having so much trouble in doing it?

On a daily basis I’m having to force myself to track every single thing I eat, and I’m failing on a fairly regular basis.  Whether I’m tracking properly or not, when the killer question comes up (which for the uninitiated is “shall I have that?”) I’m genuinely struggling to come up with any answer other than yes.  With the fairly regular exception of when the answer becomes “Ooh yes!  And I’ll have another couple as well” of course.  It’s weird.  I can’t explain it, and I don’t seem to be able to find the motivation to stop it, and that’s really getting me down a little bit.

I went clothes shopping again today, as I needed a suit for work, and I had to buy a larger size than I bought a few months ago.  I know that’s not really a good idea (and genuine thanks to those who got in touch after my tales of shopping and size dilemmas last week) but the last suit, along with just about everything that I bought recently, were just on the tight size of fitting when I bought them.  That meant that providing I stayed where I was or lost more weight, then they’d fit great, but if I put anything on, then I’d have a problem, and that’s where I am – I’m half a stone or so heavier than I was when I went shopping last, and there’s no point pretending otherwise.  The new suit will be a little bit big on me, and I’m planning to make it much too big for me as soon as I possibly can, but I need to feel good and comfortable in what I’m wearing, and I wouldn’t be able to do that had I bought the same size as before.  Incidentally, I also went back to Gap and bought myself a shirt that’s going to be just a little bit too small for me, but it’s there for when I fit into it properly.

It’s a little odd to be sitting here wondering what to do next.  Actually it’s not the what, it’s the how.  I know what I need to do – I need to track everything I’m eating, and make sure that I make smart choices, and don’t eat more than my allowance.  So how do I make myself do it?  No idea.

There are positives in this.  I’m clearly not eating anywhere near as bad as I think I am, as I’m not piling the pounds on, but I’m not losing it either, and I’m still sitting here 8lb above my lowest weight so far.  And that’s still a fair way off of where I want to be.  I guess this is the real challenge going forward.  Not losing the initial weight, but making enough changes to my daily habits to get me to a stage where I can keep weight off for good, rather than just taking a temporary trip to slimville.

I need to get myself to the pool as well – that’s something I’ve avoided fairly consistently for ages now, and in the last week I’ve had opportunities that I’ve not taken.  Having said that, even without exercise, I can lose weight by controlling what I’m eating, and I have to keep coming back to that.  Control the input, and everything else will deal with itself.

I think there are a couple of significant patterns that I’ve noticed that I need to sort out.  One is that traditionally, if I had a heavy lunch, then I’d have a lighter dinner, and I’m not doing that now.  Not sure why, but it should be something that will make a significant difference if I focus on it.  The second one is late night snacking.  Even if I’ve had a great day and I’ve tracked everything perfectly, I keep finding myself pigging out when everyone else has gone to bed.  The fact that I’m waiting for everyone else to go to bed before I do it will probably keep my future psychoanalyst in comfy chairs for decades to come, and I’m not sure I want to delve too far into that, but in terms of the basic snacking, I can tell you something very important about it – I’m not hungry in the slightest.  Not at all.  Not even remotely peckish.  Yet last night for example, in the space of 30 minutes or so, I had a pack of discos, a pack of french fries, a chocolate cookie and a curly wurly.

Anyway, lets sum it up.  I’m struggling.  I’m not sure why.  Not even sure if the why is important.  And I have no idea how to make the change.  Feel free to tell me snap out of it and just do what I know works.  That’s what I’ve been telling myself for ages now.  Perhaps I’ll listen to you in a way that I clearly don’t listen to myself.

Have a great week.

The Shrinking Man

One thought on “Getting a little scared now”

  1. Hi, well done. Perhaps it is really 1 and a half pounds, which gives you a good start to this week 😉 with 1/2lb in the bag as such.
    Keep it up and hope it’s not Man Flu.
    Dave

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