Something Better Change…

Week 39 weigh-in just completed, and a very disappointing, but completely expected and fully deserved 2lb gain.

This is hard work at the moment.  Really hard.

At mealtimes I’m doing fine – eating relatively healthily and not stuffing my face at all, and generally ticking all the right boxes.  It’s outside mealtimes where I’m having real problems, and while I completely understand what I’m doing wrong, I don’t seem to be able to stop myself doing it very easily.

In simple terms, I’m snacking.  That suggests that I could be explaining it in a much more complex fashion, and that’s not true at all, so let me rephrase.  I’m snacking.  That’s better!

This week at various times I’ve eaten wine gums, midget gems, biscuits, cookies, ice cream and a whole bag of mini eggs.  Now to the uninitiated, that might not seem much like diet food, but trust me, any and all foods can be fitted into a weight-loss program in moderation (and who else should you trust but a man who’s just put on two pounds!).

The bottom line is that I’m eating loads of food that I don’t need or want, and am not fitting them into my overall points totals at all.  That means that I put on weight.  That’s the old me.  That’s the fat-bloke that I’m moving away from, but right now, he feels a little closer than he has done for quite a while.  I’m thinking of foods and eating them instead of asking myself if I really want them.  I’m eating snack foods without adapting what I eat for the rest of the day to compensate for it.

Now I know the question that will be on your lips – truly I do.  It’s WHY isn’t it?  Knowing what I know, and having achieved what I’ve achieved, and knowing exactly what the end-result would be, WHY would I do it?

Well I guess if I knew the answer to that, then I wouldn’t have been 18st 4lb in the first place, and wouldn’t have ever need to do this 🙂

Some of it I can make sense of.  I’ve mentioned it many times, but I have a serious problem with jelly sweets.  Particularly midget gems.  I talk about it a lot, but I keep trying to pretend that this problem will go away.  Throughout this process, I’ve been buying them every now and again, realising that I simply CAN’T eat them in moderation and subsequently avoiding them for a while.  Recently I’ve been missing out the ‘avoiding them for a while’ step, and have eaten a lot of them.

Is it possible to be addicted to Tesco Midget Gems?  I’ve never seen any support groups out there, so I’m presuming not, but there’s something so strong that compels to eat them.  It’s like giving up smoking in some ways – I can’t just have one to take the edge off of it, because I’ll smoke the whole pack.  When I buy a bag of midget gems, I can guarantee you that I’ll finish the bag.  Quickly.  I certainly don’t enjoy them while I’m eating them as I eat them so fast that they hardly touch the size.  Having said that, the taste of the juice slipping down my throat is worth it all.  What the hell am I going on about here?  Lol.

Look – it’s like this.  I have a problem with those sweets, and I need to stop proving that to myself and just accept that they’re not compatible with what I’m trying to achieve here.  It feels feeble to accept it, but it’s true.  Just to give myself an extra prompt here, on Sunday and Monday last week, I ate a whole bag of them on each day.  In the WW world that’s 50 points.  That’s more than my whole weekly bonus pot.  That’s more than a full days eating.  And yet still I was secretly hoping that the scales wouldn’t have noticed?  Genuinely insane! 🙂

Whatever happens, some things still stay the same.  If I carry on eating how I’ve eaten this week, then I’ll carry on putting on weight.  If I carry on eating how I’ve eaten for most of the last 7 months or so, then I’ll carry on losing weight.  I need to cut out anything that’s making it harder for me to go with the latter choice, and those damn things will be top of the list.  I need to look at my diet coke intake too, but that’s another story.

I’ve got a horrible vision at the moment of this being the last post I make.  That this time next week, I’ll have put on another few pounds, and that I’ll put off posting on here until I’ve taken those pounds off again.  And that never happens.

Wow.  This is quite scary.

OK – have a good week/life depending on how the next seven days go 😉

The Shrinking Man

3 thoughts on “Something Better Change…”

  1. Chin up – stick to the plan and you will get there. Don’t stop blogging either – its an inspiration to others whether you realise it or not!

  2. Hi Shrinking Man

    I know it might seem a bit presumptuous of me to write this message to you, but your posting, like many of those of previous weeks, has really struck a chord with me. I just wanted to let you know that I’ve been in the position you are in now many times in the past. I’ve been on a diet, felt brilliant as weight dropped off and then hit a bump in the road. I know that feeling as you get on the scales, knowing that you have over-indulged, but still hoping that a pound will have disappeared.

    I understand how beaten you can feel when the scales show that you have gained and I know how hard it can be to stop yourself from thinking “what is the point?” as you get off them. I had a weigh-in a few weeks ago, where I gained half a pound. i know it’s not much, but I had been very good and I’d only just started eating healthily, so I was expecting big initial losses.

    Losing weight is hard! I’ve tried to lose weight quite few times over the years and failed. I get to a certain point (in my case after losing a stone or two) where my weight losses slow down, and I begin to feel that it’s not worth it. The voice at the back of my head starts to get louder, telling me “You’re not really as fat as you think”, “you’re not defined by your weight”, “why are you depriving yourself of delicious food?”, “you have lost a bit of weight, it’s under control, you can eat normally now” or the really fatal “Just have one chip, Mars Bar, slice of buttered toast”. This is the point where I always give up.

    The last time this happened was early last year. I lost one and a half stone, went on holiday and came back to find I had put half a stone on. My diet ended there and then. The result of this is that I gave up monitoring my eating and by the end of last year I was four stone heavier.

    I’m now trying to lose weight again, and I think I might be better equipped to do it this time, because I am also addressing the psychological part of my weight problem. On this basis I’d recommend you give some thought to the following scenarios:

    1. You view last week as a blip and get back on track. You keep losing weight and your fitness improves as a consequence. In another year’s time you have lost another 3 stone (which is entirely possible, given your great progress so far).
    How do you feel? How does it affect your health? Your social life? Your self-confidence?
    2. In this coming week you get down and beat yourself up about your performance over the last few weeks. This leads you to eat badly, and you get on the scales next Sunday and find out you have put on weight. The enemy voice at the back of your head drowns out your own rational voice in a cacophony of negative comments “This isn’t working”, “It isn’t the right time to keep trying”, “You have lost some weight and should be happy as you are” etc., etc, and you give up.
    What consequences would this have in a year’s time (or five years)? Have you put weight on? Are you happy? Do you feel healthy?

    You suggest in your post that you are at a crossroads. CHOOSE THE RIGHT ROAD!!!!!! Re-commit to eating healthily. Do what you know to be best for you!!!

    I hope you don’t mind my comments, but you have made amazing progress and you shouldn’t give up without a fight. Like me, I’m sure you know the soul-destroying experience of being the fattest man in the room (It is absurd, but I feel inferior because I’m fat). Do you want to have to adopt that fat-boy bravado, which many guys need to adopt to get through social occasions, pretending everything is fine and your weight doesn’t bother you? How will it feel if you lose your progress, go back to your old ways and start to put on weight? Do you want to get to the stage where you are buying clothes because you have managed to find something that fits, rather than because they suit you?

    Let’s look at the facts:
    1. You are fed up and less motivated than usual.
    2. You have been fed up in the past and have overcome it.
    3. Your blog shows that you have good insight into the link between your weight and your state-of-mind. You can use this knowledge to help you beat temptation.
    4. You have sustained a weight-loss programme for far longer than most people find possible.
    5. You have lost an impressive amount of weight already and must already feel the benefits of that (write them down. do it now. carry a list with you. let that motivate you).

    DON’T GIVE UP!!!!!!!!!!

  3. Hi,
    Reading your site over the last couple of weeks is quite sad. I feel for you and just hope with the suggestions posted here in the comments you can work your way through this.

    All though this seems obvious, but with the sweets (midget Gems, Mars bar etc) why don’t you stop buying them? Get Fruit or Rice Cakes or something else if you must snack.

    And go back to BASICS – it shouldn’t be me telling you this, you have proved that you can do this with 49lb lose already recorded. Track everything and eat sensible – don’t buy crap – remove temptation ! Get down the Gym and/or swimming pool. If your working and staying away eat sensible. Go to a Supermarket, get a Salad and prepared fruit or something for dinner and eat in your room. You can get plates, knife & fork etc. from the restaurant. Yes I know it’s boring but it is better for you than fried hotel food and excess beer. This is what I do when I am away. Stick with the diet. You know it works. Good luck. Dave

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