Well that was odd…

It’s difficult to know how to describe this week.  Truly it is.

It’s been a week of really not feeling all that bothered one way or the other about this.  I didn’t eat brilliantly, but I didn’t eat terribly either.  I had some days where I ate way too much, and other days where I probably ate OK.  I haven’t been to the gym once, even though I’ve been off work for a lot of the week.  I’ve eaten more jelly sweets than a grown man should eat in any given month.

All that and I still end up losing a pound?  Week 38 weigh-in has now been completed, and my running total is back to 51lb lost, which is fine and dandy by me.

I was chatting to a friend last night (the same friend who actually prompted me to join WW in the first place funnily enough) and was describing how this has now just become part of what I do, and how that makes things difficult at times.  It’s not something different like it was at the start – it’s more like business as usual, and that’s something quite challenging to learn to live with.  Whereas in the first weeks and months the general newness and the excitement of progress spurs you on and keeps you moving, it requires something different to keep it going after this length of time.  Something that I’m struggling to latch on to.

I have no desire to go back to where I was before – let me make that totally clear.  But I’m also short on desire to keep pushing this further and further.  That doesn’t mean I don’t want it, but I think it might mean that I don’t want it very much.  Or perhaps that I’m struggling a little in terms of belief at the moment?

It’s hard to put my finger on what the problem is right now, but I feel like I need to change something.  I am still making progress, but it’s very slow.  Perhaps that’s just the way it’s meant to be, and it’s by learning to deal with the fact that it’s going to slow down that I can just get on with real-life and let the gradual weight-loss continue in the background.  That sounds like something of a plan to be honest.

There have been quite a few occasions over the past weeks where I’ve been snacking in the evening.  OK; not quite a few.  A lot.   Not a problem in itself, but I was already at my daily points limit, so that’s a bit more of a problem.  That’s not so bad though, because I have my weekly points allowance to deal with situations like that, so again not a problem.  Except that I’d already eaten all of my weekly points too.  So definitely a bit more of a problem.  But if I’m hungry, then I really should eat, because that sort of denial isn’t going to help anyhow, so again, not a huge problem.  Except that I wasn’t hungry.  Not at all.

There’s always been something of a disconnect between my hunger and my eating.  I eat when I want to eat rather than when I’m hungry.  I stop when my plate is empty rather than when I’m full.  If I think of something that I want to eat, then I tend to eat it.  Right now, I feel like that hasn’t changed much, if at all, in the last 38 weeks.  The fundamental difference between the me now and the me of 9 months ago is that generally I tend to want to eat better foods and less of them.  It would be so easy to drift back though.

It is difficult to find the right line to walk here.  On the one hand, I have a system from WW that will pretty much guarantee that if I follow it’s rules, then I’ll lose weight most weeks.  On the other hand I’ve got the fact that in the real world, sometimes I want to treat myself, even if it takes me outside of the system.

That’s the one area of the newer WW system that I’m a little less happy with – in the old points system, if you ate too much on one day, you could manage your eating a little better on the day or days and make it up that way.  On the newer system, because you have points dedicated to dealing with those snacking moments, there’s nothing to help you if you go outside of them.  The points tracker just goes red and tells you off for the remainder of the week.  That’s actually quite demotivating, and I’m not sure I’d realised how much it was affecting me.  Once I go into the red, I stop pointing things.  There!  I’ve said it out loud!  It flies in the face of everything that I know to be true here, but once the little calculator starts telling me off, I start avoiding it!!!

Oddly enough, I think I actually start eating better at that point.  Perhaps that’s a reaction to the knowledge that I’ve not had a good week so far, perhaps I’m enjoying the freedom from pointing, or perhaps I’m just kidding myself and I’m actually eating terribly and that’s the real reason I’m not pointing.  Who knows?  Certainly not me!  But it’s an issue.  There is a way to get myself back into the black, but that’s by doing some exercise, and that’s not always practical.

Obviously there’s a simple answer to this, and that’s not to go over my weekly points allowance before the end of the week.  That’s got to be the norm, but I don’t care about the norm.  It’s when things don’t go to plan that I need to be prepared, as it’s in those situations that I could most easily go off track and lose focus.  Having said that, I don’t think there’s necessarily a solution to this anyway – it’s just something I’ve got to be aware of, and try to minimise the chances of it happening.

That’s quite an interesting revelation though – being told off by a computer stops me talking to the computer.  I feel like such a grown up 🙂

There’s an interesting pattern that I’ve noticed throughout my weight-loss and that’s that with the exception of the period that we don’t talk about commonly known as Christmas, I’ve not gained weight two weeks in a row since I started this.  That shows that I’m pretty good at responding to setbacks in the right way, and is a record to be proud of.  This week I genuinely thought I would lose that record, and I’m pleasantly surprised that I didn’t.

I need to make sure that I react to this in the right way.  When I’ve not eaten fantastically and I STS or even lose a pound or two, it’s tempting to see that as a license to carry on not eating fantastically.  That way lies disappointment and I need to try to avoid that temptation.  It feels like I’ve been getting away with it for the last couple of weeks, and that won’t carry on indefinitely, so I need to find the motivation to knuckle down and do this properly again.  Not all of the time, just most of the time.

That would actually make a pretty good mantra for this.  Not all of the time, just most of the time.  Perhaps that’s the answer to bringing it all into the real-world of everyday life.  Not all of the time, just most of the time.

Have a good week.

The Shrinking Man.

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