Six months in and so much acheived, but why am I still struggling with it?

Morning all!

Six months ago I decided that I was fed up with being a fat bloke, and that I needed to do something about that.  It was quite a spur of the moment decision, and was prompted by a telephone conversation with a friend who mentioned that she was thinking of starting a weight-watchers programme.  I let the friend ramble on for a while, got on the web, found out they had an online programme, and before I put the phone down (and before my friend had noticed I wasn’t paying attention to her at all) I’d signed up.  It was time for Mr Fat-Bloke to disappear.

I have just completed weekly-weigh-in number 26 and am very pleased to report that two more pounds have hit the dust.  That’s 26 weeks that I’ve been doings things differently, and strangely enough I’m looking and feeling remarkably different as a result.  Let me summarise how far I’ve come:

  • As far as the numbers go, I started this at 18st 4lb/256lb (116.4 kg) and this morning I tipped the scales at 15st 0lb/210lb (95.5kg).  That means that in the past six months I have lost 46 pounds (20.9 kilos)
  • My BMI back in June was 35.7, which is in the seriously obese range, and it is now 29.3 which is in the overweight range
  • My waist measurement has gone from 126cm to 111cm and my chest measurement has gone from 124cm to 112cm
  • If you factor in other measurements like arms and thighs, then overall I’ve lost 42cm off of my body
  • I was just about fitting in to Extra Extra Large clothing sizes when I started, and I’m now starting to fit pretty well into Large clothing sizes
  • I’ve had to get my watch adjusted to stop it actually falling off of my wrist and have had to move a ring from my ring to my middle finger.

I still find it difficult to translate that 46lb into something meaningful without thinking in terms of real objects, so if you’re of an experimental disposition, try one of the following

  • if you have a fairly large LCD/Plasma TV in your living room, then pick it up for a minute (TSM accepts no responsibility for anyone who drops their TV etc.)  46lb is about the weight of a 46in Plasma/LCD TV
  • Alternatively, if you have or know a five year old child that you’re able to pick up without anyone getting social services involved, then pick then up for a minute.  46lb is about the weight of a five year old child
  • If neither of those is practical or possible, then pop down to your local supermarket, grab a standard bag of sugar and stick it in your pocket.  Then repeat 19 and a half more times – if you don’t have enough pockets, then just try to balance them in your arms.  Explain to the security guards who will by now be looking at you in a very odd way that you’re carrying out an important experiment, and I’m sure all will be well.  (Make sure that you either put the sugar back before you leave the store, or that you pay for it on the way out – TSM does not pay bail money under any circumstances)

I find it very difficult to believe that I was carrying that sort of weight around with me all day every day six months ago, and would like to apologise once again to my heart and lungs for the additional stresses caused to them.

It has been a fascinating six months and I’m very proud of what I’ve achieved so far, but it’s not been all fun and games.  There’s been upset and anger and frustration on a fairly regular basis, and I have to keep reminding myself that what I’m doing here is quite literally changing the habits of a lifetime.  I’ve lost weight before and have always put it back on, so I’m under no illusions that losing weight is actually not the problem here.  The real problem is changing the way that I eat for good, so that once I reach a more acceptable weight, then I’ll be able to stay there.  I still have a long way to go – how far I’m not sure, as I haven’t decided where I want to end up just yet, but I’m very aware that I’m still a fat bloke.  I’m less fat for sure, but I’ve not finished yet.

So why does the title talk about struggling?  Well I’m struggling to adapt to the new WW programme, and haven’t quite managed to get my head around why that is the case just yet.  It appears to me that there are some major psychological differences between the old and new programmes that haven’t been explained by WW.  I’ll update more on this next week when I’ve had a bit more time to make sense of it all, but the focus of the plan appears to have shifted from one of daily control to one of weekly control, and that has made things much less specific and easy to follow for me.

To sum things things up right now, I’m chuffed to bits with what I’ve achieved so far, but really struggling to keep it going at the moment.  The fact that I’m aware of it and worrying about it is a positive thing, but I’ve got to get my head around this fairly soon, otherwise I run the risk of going backwards (that’s the sentence I’ve been avoiding writing for the past hour – lol).  I’m petrified right now that the system that got me this far has been taken away, and that I might not be able to continue to make progress under the new system.  I don’t feel in control of what I’m eating at the moment, even though I’m still losing weight.

I need to give myself a pat on the back, and most importantly I need to relax.

Have a good week.

The Shrinking Man

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