And we’re back on track…

Sixth weigh-in and 4lb off.  To say I’m relieved would be something of an understatement.  In fact, to say that I’m totally, completely, 100%, unbelievably, ‘think of just how relieved you think anyone could possibly ever be and multiply it by 10’ relieved would still be something of an understatement.

I’m grinning too, which is great, but I don’t think I’ve ever approached the scales before with such hesitation.  I circled them slowly for about 20 minutes (seriously) before I finally took the plunge and jumped on.  When I say jumped, I still mean gingerly stepped on, but jumped sounds a little more dramatic and on the whole much better suited to such an occasion.

Every fat bloke’s major fear is that the normal rules don’t apply to them.  It’s probably because it helps us believe that there are other ‘external’ reasons why thindom eludes us, but whatever the reasoning behind it, any setback is taken as possible proof that it’s just not going to work out for us.

Last week’s 1lb gain would, in any normal, rational mind be taken as a blip.  A minor inconvenience that couldn’t stop the march to the palace of the thin no matter how hard it huffed and puffed.  Of course that’s what I wanted to think, but it reality, deep down in the dark recesses of my fat mind, there was an ever-present voice that has been taunting me for the last week.  It’s sometimes difficult to notice the commentary that goes on in my head – I guess I’m just so used to it that it doesn’t stand out much these days, but it’s there all the same.  It’s not surprising that fat people have so much trouble losing weight when the commentary in their head (did I really suggest he should be called Sebastian the other week?)  can best be summed up as “That’s as far as you’re going – you’ve done ever so well to come this far, but you’ve reached your limit, and it’s back to where you started from for you”.

I have no idea whether that’s my conscious mind talking to my unconscious mind, whether it’s the other way around, or whether it’s something completely different going on in my head, but I do know that it’s got a lot to answer for, and has played a big part in keeping me fat in the past.  There’s a big part of me (no irony intended) that wants me to stay fat, and in the past, it’s that bit that has won.  Every time.

That’s quite a sobering thought to be honest…

Anyway, let’s summarise a few things right now, as there are some valuable learning points from this week.  First of all, a blip like a small gain is just that.  A blip.  If I carry on doing the right things, then all will be well.  I’m aware that in the future the blips might last longer, and I’m not sure that will be so easy to deal with, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.  Secondly, I’m just two and a tiny bit pounds away from being a 16st something man.  I still feel like an 18st something man, which is both weird, and a bit concerning.  I need to get used to this and start to feel like a 17st something man pretty quickly, otherwise I’ll have missed it altogether, and I’ll have to make the leap straight to 16st something.

That’s quite strange actually – I’ve lost 16lb so far.  1st 2lb of me has just disappeared, but because it’s gradual and because I’m so focused on the week by week progress, it doesn’t feel like I’ve achieved much so far.  16lb doesn’t sound like all that much, but when you translate it into real weight, it’s quite incredible that I could ever have carried that around with me.  I was looking around in the kitchen the other day for real-world things that would help me get a handle on what I’ve done so far.  We have some large bags of flour in the cupboard – 3lbs each.  They’re pretty heavy and I am now carrying the equivalent of more than FIVE of those less weight around.  I defy any thin person to carry that weight around with them and not sweat more than I do usually ;-).

Anyway, if 18st 4 to 17st 2 doesn’t seem like much, then 18st 4 to 16st something certainly does.  I’m looking forward to that quite a lot!

May the shrink be with you.

The Shrinking Man

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